My wife woke this morning and said, "I had a dream that you gave me a diamond necklace. What do you think it means?" I said, "You will find out later." So when I came home later, ...

2022-11-01 23:02:14

Went swimming this afternoon and had a pee in the deep end, The lifeguard blew his whistle so loud I nearly fell in:_:D:_:D

2022-11-01 23:01:56

Can hear opera singing coming from my wallet Think it's the 3 tenners!!!:_:D:_:D

2022-11-01 23:00:21

Just got sacked from my job as a dishwasher. I kept putting the plates and bowls in the wrong order. The boss reck:_:Dons I am dishlexic.

2022-11-01 22:59:12

I asked the wife if she'd like a Diamond ring for Xmas and she said "nothing would make me happier", so i'm getting her nothing.:_:D:_:D

2022-11-01 22:58:54

[img]https://i.imgur.com/1YJe0Yd.jpg[/img]

2022-10-31 22:47:26

A lad just knocked on the door and said "trick or treat" I said " what you come as" He replied " a werewolf " I said " you've got your normal clothes on"...

2022-10-31 22:46:18

gould

2022-10-31 22:41:31

vet

2022-10-31 22:39:17

massive

2022-10-31 22:38:04

fould

2022-10-30 23:20:06

host

2022-10-30 23:18:18

qiter

2022-10-30 23:17:36

[img]https://i.imgur.com/HiRvjfR.jpg[/img]

2022-10-30 22:23:01

A man sees a sign outside a house - 'Talking Dog For Sale.' He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden. The man sees a very nice looking Lab...

2022-10-30 22:22:29

A man met a beautiful lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.' He said, 'That's all right, we'll le...

2022-10-30 22:22:05

Told my wife I was so stressed that only a blowjob would help. She asked where I was going to find a dick to suck at this time of night.:_:D

2022-10-30 22:18:44

A policeman pulled me over and said, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" I said, "Because you wanted to see how tall I am?" "Step out of the car sir," he ordered. I ...

2022-10-30 22:18:29

If a woman is uncomfortable watching you masturbate, she: (a) Has intimacy issues (b) Is frigid (c) Needs to sit somewhere else on the bus!:_:D:_:D

2022-10-30 22:15:39

Halloween is the scariest night of the year, with the dead rising from their graves. And fat girls thinking they look sexy dressed as cats.:_:D:_:D

2022-10-30 22:15:11

notes

2022-10-30 22:02:57

easy

2022-10-30 22:00:15

dough

2022-10-30 21:58:24

abundant

2022-10-29 23:23:44

iptv

2022-10-29 23:21:53

zest

2022-10-29 23:19:24

I woke up in hospital after a nasty accident and shouted " doc, I can't feel my legs" the doctor replied " I should think not, we've chopped your fucking arms off":_:D:_:...

2022-10-29 12:54:12

I went to the supermarket and complained I said " this vinegars got lumps in it " The manager said " those are pickled onions sir":_:D

2022-10-29 12:53:58

I went into a pub and asked for 2 pints of lager, 2 pints of Guinness, 3 large whiskey, 3 large red wines and 4 glasses of champagne. Then I said, "With what I've got I shouldn't be hav...

2022-10-29 12:51:21

I told him, "Oh, I do it all the time." "No matter where I am - in the living room, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the basement, I am always asking myself: 'Now, what am I h...

2022-10-29 12:51:08