I get so excited over women I have to glue my dick to my leg otherwise it stands up every time i see one... The other day I went on a date, put extra glue on it, knocked on her front door, she opened...

2022-10-26 21:00:59

My mate from Derby was showing me his new tattoo. "Isn't that one of those that just washes off" I asked. "I don't know," he replied...:_:D

2022-10-26 21:00:40

Just bought a low energy light bulbfrom B&Q. Assistant asked "Will you be putting this up yourself?" I said "No its going in the lounge":_:D[justify][/justify]

2022-10-26 20:59:19

A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text, “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking s...

2022-10-26 20:58:59

disco

2022-10-26 20:54:56

litter

2022-10-26 20:53:40

Ocular

2022-10-26 20:46:49

[img]https://i.imgur.com/uMbWRrN.jpg[/img]

2022-10-26 00:10:30

[img]https://i.imgur.com/OMOR67G.jpg[/img]

2022-10-26 00:10:17

[img]https://i.imgur.com/jGahxCW.jpg[/img]

2022-10-26 00:09:45

A man sees a monkey in the jungle with a tin opener and says " you don't need a tin opener for bananas" The monkey replied " it's for the custard ya daft cunt":_:D

2022-10-26 00:06:14

The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade and a slice of orange in the same glass is gonna get a punch.:_:(

2022-10-26 00:05:30

When I lived on a house boat I was seeing the girl next door But we eventually drifted apart:_:D

2022-10-26 00:04:48

Just been told the clocks go back on Sunday, That's me fucked, I've forgotten where I bought em.

2022-10-26 00:04:31

I fell asleep at a party last night and someone put a tea bag in me mouth, I went fucking mental! No one treats me like a mug!!!!:_:D

2022-10-26 00:02:06

Therapist: “What would you say to your dad if he were alive today?” ME: “Sorry for cremating you, I honestly thought you were dead.”:_:D

2022-10-26 00:00:10

A husband and wife are on their 10th anniversary. The wife undresses and says: "What did you think when I stripped 10 years ago?" He says, "I wanted to fuck your brains out and suck yo...

2022-10-25 23:58:02

enter

2022-10-25 21:57:03

wises

2022-10-25 21:56:06

moulded

2022-10-25 21:53:29

klutz

2022-10-25 21:06:43

ussr

2022-10-25 21:02:25

cattles

2022-10-25 21:01:15

inused

2022-10-23 22:25:43

noses

2022-10-23 22:23:53

untold

2022-10-23 22:22:58

My wife said she was thinking about Buying a Mini...?? I said, "You'll never get your fucking big, fat arse into one of those". She said, "Not a Skirt, I meant the Car, you cheek...

2022-10-23 21:08:21

At a Glasgow Pub Quiz, the final question to win £1000 pounds is: "Take That's first Album had a four word title, the first two words were, "Take That, what were the second two?"...

2022-10-23 21:08:06

My gert is going to a fancy dress party tonight, she went out yesterday and hired a costume. She said to me this morning "Wait there, I'll try it on and tell me what you think"? She cam...

2022-10-23 21:05:21

Paddy called the RSPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs." "That's terrible," replied the operator, "Are they ...

2022-10-23 21:05:08