GodAndUlster        Posted at 2022-05-30 00:45:32(129Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-30 00:46:28(129Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| jaxePosted at 2022-05-30 04:40:44(129Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| A Priest, a Rabbit and a Minister Walk Into a Bar... The bartender asks the rabbit, "what'll you have?" The rabbit says, "I dunno. I'm only here because of Autocorrect." AND A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank... The nurse asked the rabbit: "What's your blood type?" The rabbit says, “I think I might be type o. | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-30 21:05:01(129Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| A guy picks up a girl in a bar, brings her home, and they start getting it on. He starts sucking on one of her tits and milk comes out.... He says, "Hey, are you pregnant?" She says, "That wasn't a nipple, that was a boil"..  | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-30 21:07:57(129Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I walked into a shop today and asked the woman behind the counter, "Do you have any cameras"....? She replied, "No we don't"..... I said, "Good, open the fucking till".... | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-30 21:08:12(129Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Can everyone please leave Gary Barlow alone...... Whatever he did, whatever he said, he didn't mean it..... | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-30 21:09:47(129Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I killed a deer & took it home to cook for my family. We were sitting at the table when my daughter says "Daddy.... what's this?" "I'll give you a clue" I said "It's what mummy always calls me". "DON'T EAT IT" my daughter screamed loudly... "It's a fucking arsehole". | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-30 21:10:02(129Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| The wife and I were invited to a fancy dress party, so I went as “Virgil” from Thunderbirds. I went the whole hog and dyed my hair, bought a costume, hat, make up and even practiced walking like the puppets from the TV show. My wife just put on a green coat and went as Thunderbird 2. | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-30 21:14:34(129Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| CORONAVIRUS: The boredom of self isolation..... Did you know that if you rest one of your testicles on top of an empty beer bottle, and hold a flame at the base, eventually it gets sucked inside......If you've done this and know how to get it out, message me please.... Urgently!!! 🥵 for a friend ....: | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-30 21:14:46(129Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-30 21:15:22(129Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-31 20:11:11(129Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus she noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The young man replied, Well your Honor, it was like this : When the lady got on the bus, I couldn’t help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, “The Double Mint Twins are coming” and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, “Logan’s Liniment will reduce the swelling”, and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, “William’s Big Stick Did the Trick”, and I could hardly contain myself. But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, “Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident”, I just lost it. “CASE DISMISSED " !! | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-31 20:11:33(129Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| "Can I help you?" asked the shop assistant. "I'm okay," I replied. "Just looking." "I'll have to ask you to leave then," she said. "Why?" I asked. "I'm not doing any harm." "Just get the fuck out!" she snapped, pulling up her knickers. "These are the staff toilets!" | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-31 20:13:29(129Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I told a bloke in the pub, "My wife stops traffic every day"...... He said, "Bit of a looker is she"...? I told him, "No she's a lollipop lady"..... | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-31 20:13:43(129Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Today I went to a barber’s shop for a shave..... The barber asked me to put a small wooden ball in my mouth so he could get a closer shave around my cheeks.... I asked, "But what if I swallow the ball"...? He replied: "No problem sir, you just bring it back tomorrow like everybody else".......!!! | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-31 20:15:37(129Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-31 20:15:48(129Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-31 20:16:34(129Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-06-02 00:48:03(129Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Today I'm going to open the time capsule that I buried when I was a kid, Can't wait to see how big my puppy is!! | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-06-02 00:48:22(129Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| My son walked in on me & the wife last night."What are those 2 dangly things between your legs "he asked. "Those son are your mothers tits!" | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-06-02 00:50:05(129Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I told myself I should stop drinking... But I’m not about to listen to some drunk who talks to himself. | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-06-02 00:51:06(129Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Uncle Ben has been rushed into hospital after discovering a lump in one of his testicles..... "Turns out It was a a boil in the bag"....!!! | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-06-02 00:51:40(129Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Some women like flowers, others like something a little more sexy, so I've combined the two.... I hope my wife likes her daffodildo... | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-06-02 00:53:21(129Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I was on the bus when this young attractive woman started to breastfeed her child. An elderly woman got up and protested saying it was the most disgusting thing she'd ever seen and would complain to the bus company. In hindsight I really shouldn't have been wanking at the time! | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-06-02 00:53:37(129Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I was watching Peppa Pig this morning when suddenly my wife decided to turn the telly off for no reason...... "How fucking childish is that"...? | |
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