GodAndUlster        Posted at 2022-06-15 21:11:08(118Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Gert's not happy, I replaced the bed with a trampoline and she hit the fucking roof!!  | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-06-15 21:11:21(118Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| My mate said, "It must be awful for you having a surname like Depressant".... I said, "It's a lot worse for my Auntie"...!!! | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-06-15 21:12:34(118Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| 2 men walking down the road see a blind dog shagging a cabbage, one says...... "Poor bugger, must have thought it was a collie".....!!! | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-06-15 21:12:55(118Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| A bloke walks into a brothel and says, "I'm a bit kinky, how much for total humiliation?" The madam replies, "£50". "Wow, what do I get for that," he says, She says, "A Derby County football shirt and a season ticket!" | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-06-15 21:14:27(118Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Gert asked me to take her to one of those restaurants that make the food right in front of you We’re off to SUBWAY later hope she likes it | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-06-15 21:15:10(118Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| My mate met a Dutch bird with inflatable shoes last week,when he phoned her yesterday she'd popped her clogs | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-06-15 21:15:29(118Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I was in bed with a blind girl last night, and she said I'd got the biggest penis she'd ever laid her hands on, I said " your pulling my leg!!" | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-06-15 21:18:50(118Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-06-15 21:19:03(118Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-06-15 21:20:10(118Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-06-15 21:20:25(118Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-06-15 21:22:51(118Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-06-16 21:55:53(117Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| A bloke walks into a brothel and says, "I'm a bit kinky, how much for total humiliation?" The madam replies, "£50". "Wow, what do I get for that," he says, She says, "A Derby County football shirt and a season ticket!" | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-06-16 21:56:07(117Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I asked my daughter if she’d seen my newspaper? She said they're old school and handed me her iPad. That fly didn’t stand a chance! | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-06-16 21:57:04(117Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| One morning the lion is feeling especially ferocious. He saunters over to a monkey swinging in a tree and roars, "Who's the king of this jungle"...? The monkey scampers down from the tree, bows to the lion and stammered, "Wh..wh...why you are Mr. Lion".... A few minutes later, the lion comes across a warthog. He stops in front of the animal and asks, "Who's the baddest dude in this jungle"....? The warthog hid his face in the dirt and whispered, "You're the baddest, King Lion"..... This continues all morning long with animal after animal bowing and scraping to the lion. Finally the lion comes across an 80-year-old bull elephant. He bellows at the elephant, "Who's the king of this jungle...? Who owns this place"....? With that the elephant wrapped his trunk around the lion's belly. He raised the lion 12 feet in the air and slammed his head against the ground. After that he slammed the lion into a tree on the right and then into another tree on the left..... Finally, the elephant swung his trunk and threw the lion 35 feet away where the lion landed in a thorn bush..... As the elephant lumbered down the trail the lion shook his paw and shouted, "Just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get mardy! | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-06-16 21:58:04(117Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Caught my son this morning stabbing his coco pops with his spoon...im worried that he is going to grow up and be a cereal killer | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-06-16 21:59:07(117Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I just saw a man going up a hill with a trolley full of horseshoes and rabbit's feet... I thought, 'Well he's pushing his luck!' | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-06-16 21:59:26(117Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Just seen there's a nudist convention on in town next week, I might go if I've nothing on! | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-06-16 22:00:27(117Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Gert just got naked and said" what turns you on most about me, is it my sexy body or my pretty face"? I said" your fucking sense of humour" | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-06-16 22:08:36(117Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I got a leaflet through the door today that said,"If you are an alcoholic, call this number" so I rang the number.. It was the fucking off licence! | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-06-16 22:09:46(117Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| The guy sat next to me on the train pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She’s beautiful, isn’t she?" I said, "If you think she’s beautiful, you should see my girlfriend mate!" He said, "Why? Is she a stunner?" I said, "No, she’s an optician!" | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-06-18 15:34:27(117Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Filled my car up for £147 but drove off without paying. Was up in court yesterday got fined £75... Follow me for more money saving tips | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-06-18 15:34:44(117Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I bought some counterfeit Mr Kiplings yesterday...... "I have to say, they're exceedingly good fakes"..... | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-06-18 15:35:45(117Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| As a Dad I'll never forget my son's first words... "Where the fucking hell have you been for the last 22 years!" | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-06-18 15:35:59(117Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I said to my mate, "The wife has been saying she wants a threesome." He said, "Excellent stuff, what have you said to her?" "I said if she can find two people desperate enough to fuck her, then she should go for it!" | |
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