jaxe        Posted at 2021-03-09 16:57:58(197Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| HAHAHA my sisters send these A woman's brain  Women explained, by engineer  by math guy  by physicist  by radio operator  by military strategy guy  Last edited by jaxe on 2021-03-09 17:41:00 | |
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| SoupPosted at 2021-03-09 17:54:21(197Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| *A woman's brain Simply put is the deadliest weapon known to man if treated badly.... That's why I never ever mention peas in the kitchen anymore and henceforth I shall always carry my wallet wherever we may roam........... | |
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| jaxePosted at 2021-03-09 18:16:15(197Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Peas? You don't like peas and she cooks them all the time? | |
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| SoupPosted at 2021-03-09 18:31:30(197Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I'm very partial to peas in most dishes, depending on the peas in question and the food being prepared, but sometimes she puts the wrong peas in the............  She's here, in the kitchen, now...... No...... I mean.......... Please for the love......... Noooooooo........... Aaaaieeeeeeeeee!!!!........ R.I.P. Soup | |
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| jaxePosted at 2021-03-09 18:52:27(197Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I don't like green onion, in some part of the world they are called Scallion or Spring Onion, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scallion on my food. My sisters like to chop them up, still raw, and sprinkle on top of every meat, fish, veggie dish. Sometimes even on rice and omelettes. | |
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| miokPosted at 2021-03-09 20:30:13(197Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| jaxePosted at 2021-03-09 20:39:04(197Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| How to Make a Woman Happy It’s not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be: 1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. a brother 5. a father 6. a master 7. a chef 8. an electrician 9. a carpenter 10. a plumber 11. a mechanic 12. a decorator 13. a stylist 14. a sexologist 15. a gynecologist 16. a psychologist 17. a pest exterminator 18. a psychiatrist 19. a healer 20. a good listener 21. an organizer 22. a good father 23. very clean 24. sympathetic 25. athletic 26. warm 27. attentive 28. gallant 29. intelligent 30. funny 31. creative 32. tender 33. strong 34. understanding 35. tolerant 36. prudent 37. ambitious 38. capable 39. courageous 40. determined! 41. true 42. dependable 43. passionate 44. compassionate WITHOUT FORGETTING TO: 45. give her compliments regularly 46. love shopping 47. be honest 48. be very rich 49. not stress her out 50. not look at other girls AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO: 51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself 52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes IT IS VERY IMPORTANT: Never to forget: * birthdays * anniversaries * arrangements she makes Not rocket science huh!!! HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY: 1. Show up naked 2. Bring beer and food | |
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| jaxePosted at 2021-03-10 00:15:14(197Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Wife is missing. Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home! OFFICER: Wife’s age? Husband: I’m not sure. Somewhere between 50 and 60. We don’t do birthdays. OFFICER: Wife’s height? Husband: I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall. OFFICER: Wife’s weight? Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat. OFFICER: Wife’s color of eyes? Husband: Sort of brown I think. OFFICER: Color of hair? Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember. OFFICER: What was she wearing? Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don’t know exactly. OFFICER: What kind of car did she go in? Husband: She went in my truck. OFFICER: What kind of truck was it? Husband: A 2017, manufactured September 16th, pearl white Ram Limited 4X4 .with 6.4l Hemi V8 engine ordered with the Ram Box bar and fridge option, led lighting, back up and front camera, Moose hide leather heated and cooled seats, climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, Weather Tech floor mats. Trailing package with gold hitch, sunroof, DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio, Cobra 75 WX ST 40-channel CB radio, six cup holders, 3 USB ports, and 4 power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Toyo tires. It has custom retracting running boards and under-glow wheel well lighting. At this point the husband started choking up. OFFICER: Take it easy sir, We’ll find your truck. Who?? ME?!? Last edited by jaxe on 2021-03-10 00:16:22 | |
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| jaxePosted at 2021-03-10 02:54:55(197Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| The Toughest Questions Are: What are you thinking about? Do you love me? Do I look fat? Do you think she is prettier than me? What would you do if I died? What makes these questions so difficult is that everyone is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses. Question # 1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of course, is: “I’m sorry if I’ve been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you.” This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following: Baseball. Football. How fat you are. How much prettier she is than you. How I would spend the insurance money if you died. (Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, “If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!”) Question # 2: Do you love me? The proper response is: “YES!” or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, “Yes, dear.” Inappropriate responses include: I suppose so. Would it make you feel better if I said yes? That depends on what you mean by love. Does it matter? Who, me? Question # 3: Do I look fat? The correct answer is an emphatic: “Of course not!” Among the incorrect answers are: Compared to what? I wouldn’t call you fat, but you’re not exactly thin. A little extra weight looks good on you. I’ve seen fatter. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died. Question # 4: Do you think she’s prettier than me? Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: “Of course not!” Incorrect responses include: Yes, but you have a better personality Not prettier, but definitely thinner Not as pretty as you, when you were her age Define ‘pretty’ Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died. Question #5: What would you do if I died? A definite no-win question. (The real answer, of course, is “Buy a Corvette.”) No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along these lines: She….Would you get married again? He…..Definitely not! She….Why not – don’t you like being married? He…..Of course, I do. She….Then why wouldn’t you remarry? He…..Okay, I’d get married again. She….You would? (With a hurtful look on her face) He…..Yes, I would. She….Would you sleep with her in our bed? He…..Where else would we sleep? She….Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her? He…..That would seem like the proper thing to do. She….And would you let her use my golf clubs? He…..She can’t use them; she’s left-handed. MARITAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. HAPPINESS To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. LONGEVITY Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die. MEMORY Any married man should forget his mistakes, there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing. PROPENSITY TO CHANGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does. DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. NINE PHRASES WOMEN USE (1) “Fine”: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. (2) “Five Minutes”: If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. (3) “Nothing”: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with “nothing” usually end in “fine”. (4) “Go Ahead”: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It! (5) “Loud Sigh”: This is more than an actual word, it is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.) (6) “That’s Okay”: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. (7) “Thanks”: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (If she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’; that will bring on a ‘whatever’). (8) “Whatever”: Is a woman’s way of saying GET LOST! (9) “Don’t worry about it, I got it”: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking “What’s wrong?” For the woman’s response refer to #3. COMPREHENSION There are 2 times when a man doesn’t understand a woman — before the wedding and after the wedding. Subject: Marriage By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. – Socrates *** I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. – Groucho Marx *** My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. – Jimmy Durante *** I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. – Zsa Zsa Gabor *** Quote of the day from a stock market investor: “This is worse than a divorce… I’ve lost half of my net worth and I still have my wife..” *** You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead. *** At a cocktail party, one man said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” “Yes, I am. I married the wrong woman.” *** A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife Wanted”. The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.” *** When a friend steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. *** Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. *** A man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished. *** A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married? “Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.” *** Young son: “Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?” Dad: “That happens in every country, son.” *** Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late.” *** Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. *** If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. *** Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. *** First guy: “My wife’s an angel!” Second guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive. *** Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are attractive to the opposite sex.    Last edited by jaxe on 2021-03-10 03:06:13 | |
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sherb Posted at 2021-03-10 07:09:59(197Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I love spring onions (tis what call em in UK)...... and I'm afraid I'm with your sister here, I too chop em up and throw them onto and into everything.  nom nom nom | |
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| miokPosted at 2021-03-10 13:01:44(197Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| OssPosted at 2021-03-10 13:51:21(197Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Can't help but agree with Soup, you and your SO must have had a "tiff" fairly recently  | |
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| Deep61Posted at 2021-03-10 14:24:16(197Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I eat the whole in summer with my salads,can never get enough of them | |
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| OssPosted at 2021-03-10 14:25:47(197Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| jaxePosted at 2021-03-10 14:44:06(197Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| you eat them raw? I don't like them raw or cooked. I do like sweet yellow onions but they have to be cooked. | |
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| jaxePosted at 2021-03-10 16:11:24(197Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Co-worker of mine is same way. He sees green onions on his food at a restaurant, he send them back and ask them to remake it. If the kitchen staff tries to just remove the green onions instead of remaking it, he will know because you can still smell it on the food. He always tell the waitress and waiters when he orders, I don't want to see any raw and cooked green onions and scallions in my food. Same thing with peanuts. Many restaurants now put shaved peanuts on a dish when it's served. That's risky. There are people who are allergic to peanuts and can get a reaction that can kill them just by smelling it or just from the peanuts having touch any part of their food. Restaurants need to put on their menu if they use peanut oil. Many restaurants use peanut oil now. | |
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| MafketelPosted at 2021-03-10 17:52:44(197Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| jaxePosted at 2021-03-10 19:59:11(197Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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|  my friend sent me this 2012 DM article https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2111203/Seeing-man-upset-makes-women-happy--shows-relationship-strong.html Last edited by jaxe on 2021-03-10 20:35:29 | |
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| jaxePosted at 2021-03-12 04:02:59(197Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| A senior citizen in Louisiana bought a brand new Corvette convertible. He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head. “This is great,” he thought as he roared down I-10. He pushed the pedal to the metal even more. Then he looked in his rearview mirror and saw a highway patrol trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. “I can get away from him with no problem,” thought the man and he tromped it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph. Then 110, 120 mph! Then he thought, “What am I doing? I’m too old for this kind of thing.” He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to catch up with him. The trooper pulled in behind the Mercedes and walked up to the man. “Sir,” he said, looking at his watch, “My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.” The man looked at the trooper and said, “Years ago my wife ran off with a Louisiana State Trooper and I thought you were bringing her back.” The trooper replied, “Sir, have a nice day.” | |
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| CsabaxbPosted at 2021-03-22 09:01:01(195Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| spring onion are best, i like it very much, just grab them from garden, cleaning it and eating raw or put in many many dishes, also very healty | |
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