You Can Share Your Jokes Here,Come On In V3

GodAndUlster:_vip::_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun::_turtle:Posted at 2022-08-06 20:36:38(85Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
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Her dog came in heat and she was concerned about keeping it and the male separated. But she had a large house and she believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.
However, as she was drifting off to sleep, she heard awful howling and moaning sounds.
She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and unable to disengage, as frequently happens when dogs mate.
Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was very late at night, she called her vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.
After she explained the problem to him, the vet said, "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs.
I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw.
"Do you think that will work?" she asked.
"Just worked for me." he replied.:_:D:_:D

 
GodAndUlster:_vip::_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun::_turtle:Posted at 2022-08-06 20:39:18(85Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
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Just got a birthday card and when I opened it fucking rice went everywhere
Turns out it was from uncle ben:_:D:_:D

 
GodAndUlster:_vip::_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun::_turtle:Posted at 2022-08-06 20:39:30(85Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
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My gert reckons I'm dead tight, so to prove her wrong I took her out for tea and biscuits
It was quite exciting as she's never given blood before:_:D:_:D

 
GodAndUlster:_vip::_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun::_turtle:Posted at 2022-08-06 20:41:12(85Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
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When my brother found out he might be terminally ill he kept himself occupied with the housework....
I'm delighted to announce that he's just got the hall clear!

 
GodAndUlster:_vip::_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun::_turtle:Posted at 2022-08-06 20:41:30(85Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
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Sad news. The man who devised the M&S food ads has died…
He will be cremated tomorrow in an applewood and mesquite fire with blistered marshmallows and charred Madagascan vanilla pods!:_:D:_:D:_:D

 
GodAndUlster:_vip::_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun::_turtle:Posted at 2022-08-06 20:43:42(85Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
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I've just burnt my Hawaiian pizza
I should have put it on aloha setting:_:D:_:D

 
GodAndUlster:_vip::_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun::_turtle:Posted at 2022-08-06 20:44:29(85Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
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My mate was offered a job as a noise pollution officer
He had to turn it down:_:D:_:D

 
GodAndUlster:_vip::_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun::_turtle:Posted at 2022-08-06 20:47:38(85Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
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When me dog fell in the Trent a German bloke jumped in after him and pulled him out, when he got to the shore he checked him over and said" ze dog vill  be fine"
I said." Are you a vet?
He replied " vet, I'm fucking soaked":_:D:_:D

 
GodAndUlster:_vip::_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun::_turtle:Posted at 2022-08-06 20:49:04(85Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
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Fucking polish lad next door keeps me awake at night playing " I want to know what love is "
Bloody foreigner:_:D:_:D

 
GodAndUlster:_vip::_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun::_turtle:Posted at 2022-08-06 20:49:15(85Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
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An Indian builder has fell through  the roof at a Lionel Richie concert, a spokesman said " the last thing I saw was DAN SINGH ON THE CEILING ":_:D:_:D

 
GodAndUlster:_vip::_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun::_turtle:Posted at 2022-08-06 20:50:09(85Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
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My brothers just been sacked from Alton towers
I think he's got a case for funfair dismissal:_:D:_:D

 
GodAndUlster:_vip::_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun::_turtle:Posted at 2022-08-06 20:54:59(85Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
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I knocked at my neighbour's door today.
"Your son has just run out in front of my car," I snapped. "I nearly killed him."
"I'm so sorry," she gasped. "He won't be doing it again."
"I know he w:_:Don't," I replied. "The paramedic said that he was probably paralysed!"

 
GodAndUlster:_vip::_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun::_turtle:Posted at 2022-08-06 20:58:21(85Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
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GodAndUlster:_vip::_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun::_turtle:Posted at 2022-08-06 20:58:33(85Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
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GodAndUlster:_vip::_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun::_turtle:Posted at 2022-08-06 20:59:36(85Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
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GodAndUlster:_vip::_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun::_turtle:Posted at 2022-08-06 20:59:47(85Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
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GodAndUlster:_vip::_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun::_turtle:Posted at 2022-08-06 21:01:16(85Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
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GodAndUlster:_vip::_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun::_turtle:Posted at 2022-08-08 21:09:00(85Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
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Pulled out a nose hair today to see if it hurt...
Judging by the reaction of the man asleep next to me on the train it seems pretty painful!:_:D:_:D

 
GodAndUlster:_vip::_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun::_turtle:Posted at 2022-08-08 21:09:16(85Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
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Two little boys stole a load of apples from a neighbours apple tree.
They decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally.
One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.
As they were jumping over the gate to enter the cemetery, they dropped two apples, but they didn't bother to pick them up since they had enough.
A few minutes later, a drunk, on his way from a bar, passed near the cemetery gate & heard a voice saying: "One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you."
He immediately sobered up and ran as fast as he could to a church nearby, for the priest.
"Father, please come with me. Come & witness God & Satan sharing corpses at the cemetery.”
They both ran back to the cemetery gate & the voice continued: "One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you."
Suddenly, the voice stopped counting and said: "What about the two at the gate?"
You've never seen 2 people running so fast !!:_:D:_:D

 
GodAndUlster:_vip::_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun::_turtle:Posted at 2022-08-08 21:14:48(85Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
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GodAndUlster:_vip::_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun::_turtle:Posted at 2022-08-08 21:14:58(85Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
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GodAndUlster:_vip::_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun::_turtle:Posted at 2022-08-08 21:16:46(85Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
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GodAndUlster:_vip::_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun::_turtle:Posted at 2022-08-08 21:16:58(85Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
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GodAndUlster:_vip::_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun::_turtle:Posted at 2022-08-08 21:17:53(85Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
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GodAndUlster:_vip::_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun::_turtle:Posted at 2022-08-09 23:43:15(85Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
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Guy goes to doctor "doctor I think my dick is shaped like a trumpet"
Doctor: "ok let me have a look?"
The guy drops his trousers and the Doc says "Wow, you're right it does look like a trumpet, and it's weird had a woman in here yesterday who had a vagina that looks like a mouth organ"
Guy says: "Yeah that that would be our Monica":_:D:_:D

 

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