atreyuu2003  Posted at 2022-06-03 11:50:31(132Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Three guys are stuck in the middle of the desert and are on the verge of dying, when one of them finds a genie lamp. He rubs it, and out pops a genie, who says, "I will give each of you one wish." The first guy says, "Great! I wish for a jug of water that never empties!" "GRANTED," says the genie. *POOF*, a jug of ice cold water appears in his hands. The second guys says, "Awesome, I wish for a basket of food that remains full, no matter how much food your remove from it!" "GRANTED," responds the genie. *POOF*, a basket of food appears in his hands. The third guy says, "Hmmm ... I think I will wish for a car door." "GRANTED." *POOF*, a car door appears next to him, and the genie vanishes back into his lamp. The first guy asks the third guy, "Why did you ask for a car door? I asked for water so we don't die of thirst." And the second guy added, "And I asked for food so we don't die of starvation." The third guy replied, "Well, I figured that when we get hot, we can just roll down the window." Last edited by atreyuu2003 on 2022-06-03 11:52:58 | |
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| SuperbikemikePosted at 2022-06-03 11:57:54(132Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| joke thread huh good one  superman is flying around the city, felling horny as hell, he suddenly sees wonder woman lying naked, legs spread writhing in pleasure he thinks "this is my chance" faster than a speeding bullet, he swoops down, fucks her balls deep hard and fast, and is gone in the blink of an eye, wonder woman sits up and says "what the hell was that?" the invisible man rolls off her and says "i have no idea, but my fucking asshole hurts like hell"  | |
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| RotblutPosted at 2022-06-03 12:10:56(132Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Hans comes home drunk late at night. He wakes his sleeping wife. Gertrud, do you know what just happened to me?! When I opened the toilet door, the light came on automatically and when I closed it, the light went out again. I think I'm getting superpowers." - Says the woman: "No Hans! You piglets have peed in the fridge again!!  | |
Like 6 | ||
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| sherbPosted at 2022-06-03 12:45:32(132Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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|  but......We have a Joke thread >>>> | |
Like 7 | ||
Post liked by - eyez, panosol, Ange1, Dronska, Mafketel , B4ND1T69, Rotblut | ||
| RotblutPosted at 2022-06-03 12:50:02(132Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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 Last edited by Rotblut on 2022-06-03 12:50:30 | |
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| sherbPosted at 2022-06-03 12:51:51(132Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Nope "You can share your jokes" | |
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Alien4 Posted at 2022-06-03 13:42:28(132Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Irish Paralympic Swimming Trials 50 meters Freestyle Lane 1 = Paddy with no arms Lane 2 = Mick with no legs Lane 3 = Just a head Gun goes off and they all dive in. Mick with no legs takes the lead from armless Paddy. The head sinks to the bottom. Armless Paddy pips legless Mick to win the race.... They fish the head out and ask what happened. The head splutters and screams "6 feckin months to learn to swim with me ears and some twat puts a feckin cap on me!!" | |
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| Jase1Posted at 2023-05-05 16:11:35(84Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Mrs. Fisher comes to visit her son Jacob for dinner. He lives with a female roommate, Rachel. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Jacob's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Jacob and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Jacob volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Rachel and I are just roommates.' About a week later, Rachel came to Jacob saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?' Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure.' So he sat down and wrote an email: "Dear Mama, I'm not saying that you 'did' take the sugar bowl from my house; I'm not saying that you 'did not' take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Jacob" Several days later, Jacob received a response email from his Mama which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Rachel, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now. Love, Mama" | |
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| SoupPosted at 2023-05-05 17:50:05(84Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| A Pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.” “What do you mean?” said the Pirate, “I feel fine.” “What about the wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.” “Arr, well,” said the Pirate, “We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I’m fine now.” The bartender replied, “Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?” The pirate explained, “We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook, but I’m fine, really.” “What about that eye patch?” “Arrrr, well” said the pirate, “One day we were at sea, and a flock of a big fat Albatross flew over. As I looked up, the bastard thing only went and shat in me eye didn't it, Arrrr!” “You’re kidding,” said the bartender. “You couldn’t lose an eye just from bird shit” “Arr, bejasus lad it was me first day with this feckin hook!” | |
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| Jase1Posted at 2023-05-06 08:46:11(84Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Jase1Posted at 2023-05-07 17:04:04(84Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| A farmer had five female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another Farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50. The farmers lived sixty miles apart. So they agreed to drive thirty miles each, find a field in which to let the pigs mate. The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 A.M., loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, (which was the only vehicle he had) and drove the thirty miles. While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?" The other farmer replied, "If they're lying in the grass tomorrow morning, they're pregnant. If they're in the mud, they're not." The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud. So he hosed them off, loaded them into the family station wagon again and proceeded to try again. This continued each morning for more than a week. Both farmers were worn out. The next morning he was too tired to get out of bed. He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in the grass." "Neither," yelled his wife. "They're in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn." | |
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| XornPosted at 2023-05-08 02:14:43(84Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Never trust math teachers who use graph paper. They're always plotting something. | |
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| XornPosted at 2023-05-08 02:16:36(84Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| The definition of a perfectionist: someone who wants to go from point A to point A+ | |
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| Jase1Posted at 2023-05-08 17:29:12(84Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| After every flight, pilots fill out a form, called a gripe sheet which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some maintenance complaints submitted by pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, the airline these came from is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident. Pilot: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. Engineers: Almost replaced left inside main tire. Pilot: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. Engineers: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. Pilot: Something loose in cockpit. Engineers: Something tightened in cockpit. Pilot: Dead bugs on windshield. Engineers: Live bugs on back-order. Pilot: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. Engineers: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. Engineers: Evidence removed. Pilot: DME volume unbelievably loud. Engineers: DME volume set to more believable level. Pilot: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. Engineers: That's what friction locks are for. Pilot: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. Engineers: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. Pilot: Suspected crack in windshield. Engineers: Suspect you're right. Pilot: Number 3 engine missing. Engineers: Engine found on right wing after brief search. Pilot: Aircraft handles funny. Engineers: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. Pilot: Target radar hums. Engineers: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. Pilot: Mouse in cockpit. Engineers: Cat installed. Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. Engineers: Took hammer away from midget | |
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| Jase1Posted at 2023-05-08 20:15:48(84Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Post liked by - Garthock | ||