GodAndUlster        Posted at 2022-10-26 21:02:14(108Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I was grilling a steak earlier and the smell of the juices started to make my mouth water... it got me thinking, do vegans get the same reaction when mowing the lawn...?  | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-10-26 21:05:53(108Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-10-26 21:06:06(108Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-10-26 21:07:22(108Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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coaster  Posted at 2022-10-27 02:07:00(108Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-10-27 20:50:56(107Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| My Gert just said " when we go to Egypt can we go on a camel?" So I said " fuck off it'll take ages to get there on a camel!! | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-10-27 20:51:38(107Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I once spent all night putting boot polish on my willy. I misheard my wife when she asked me to 'turn the clock back'! | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-10-27 20:52:40(107Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| What did Stevie wonder say when he got a cheese grater for Xmas? That's the most violent book I've ever read!!! | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-10-28 22:54:42(107Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I made my wife a Caesar salad last night. The dog was really pissed off though as it was his last tin. | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-10-28 22:54:57(107Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| First thing this morning there was a tap on me door, Fucking Funny sense of humour my plumber! | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-10-28 22:55:31(107Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| A woman died of Diarrhoea today after having anal sex with 6 men in a vintage car... Police say it was a Pretty Shitty Gang Bang.. | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-10-28 22:56:32(107Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Went to the Doctors today complaining of strange voices coming from my underpants. The Doctor said, "ignore them, they're talking bollocks" | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-10-28 22:57:00(107Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| My party trick is to eat 2 pieces of string and then an hour later they come out my arse tied together! I shit you knot | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-10-29 12:48:31(107Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Me mate got hit on the head by a can of coke, Lucky for him it was a soft drink | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-10-29 12:48:45(107Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Me mates Mrs has run off with the milkman He said " seeing them leave on his milk float was the worst 3 hours of his life" | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-10-29 12:51:08(107Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I told him, "Oh, I do it all the time." "No matter where I am - in the living room, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the basement, I am always asking myself: 'Now, what am I here after. ?? | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-10-29 12:51:21(107Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I went into a pub and asked for 2 pints of lager, 2 pints of Guinness, 3 large whiskey, 3 large red wines and 4 glasses of champagne. Then I said, "With what I've got I shouldn't be having this!" The barman asked, "Why, what you got?" I said, 30 pence!" | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-10-29 12:53:58(107Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I went to the supermarket and complained I said " this vinegars got lumps in it " The manager said " those are pickled onions sir" | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-10-29 12:54:12(107Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I woke up in hospital after a nasty accident and shouted " doc, I can't feel my legs" the doctor replied " I should think not, we've chopped your fucking arms off" | |
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| coasterPosted at 2022-10-30 00:35:04(107Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-10-30 22:15:11(107Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Halloween is the scariest night of the year, with the dead rising from their graves. And fat girls thinking they look sexy dressed as cats. | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-10-30 22:15:39(107Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| If a woman is uncomfortable watching you masturbate, she: (a) Has intimacy issues (b) Is frigid (c) Needs to sit somewhere else on the bus! | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-10-30 22:18:29(107Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| A policeman pulled me over and said, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" I said, "Because you wanted to see how tall I am?" "Step out of the car sir," he ordered. I said, "See, I told you!" | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-10-30 22:18:44(107Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Told my wife I was so stressed that only a blowjob would help. She asked where I was going to find a dick to suck at this time of night. | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-10-30 22:22:05(107Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| A man met a beautiful lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.' He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.' So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort. One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 metre board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel. She said, 'That was incredible!' He said, 'I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along.' So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing lengths. After seventy-five lengths she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel and was hardly out of breath. He said, 'That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?' 'No,' she said, 'I was a prostitute in Liverpool but I worked both sides of the Mersey'......😃 | |
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