TGx:View Topic: You Can Share Your Jokes Here,Come On In V3

Hot Picks

First Cam

New Movies

1080p x265

New TV

Misc

You Can Share Your Jokes Here,Come On In V3

GodAndUlster :_vip:

Posted at 2023-05-22 23:10:22(78Wks ago) Report Permalink URL

Reppoints: 4295
Posts: 16528
Uploads: 0

I recently put something on this site and I'm not sure if it was appropriate, I put stuff on here for a joke as i think the world has gone mad, if i have upset anyone please accept my apologies, i have removed the post, have a good day and keep smiling

Like 0

GodAndUlster :_vip:

Posted at 2023-05-22 23:12:08(78Wks ago) Report Permalink URL

Reppoints: 4295
Posts: 16528
Uploads: 0

A blind man stood by the station every day selling matches for 20p from a tray. A man used to come out of the station each morning and put 20p on the tray but never used to take the matches. One morning he drops 20p on the tray as usual, and as he walks away the blind man shouted: "Excuse me! But are you the man that always puts 20p on my tray but doesn't take any matches" The man said, "Yes, that's me".

The blind man said, "I think you should know that they went up to 30p last week" :_:D

Like 0

GodAndUlster :_vip:

Posted at 2023-05-22 23:12:24(78Wks ago) Report Permalink URL

Reppoints: 4295
Posts: 16528
Uploads: 0

Joke of the day
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.'' :_:D

Like 0

GodAndUlster :_vip:

Posted at 2023-05-22 23:13:37(78Wks ago) Report Permalink URL

Reppoints: 4295
Posts: 16528
Uploads: 0

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.
If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.
To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
'Honey,' she said, 'you received a very strange post card today.'
'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white and fainted.
On the card was written:
Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three with meatballs, two without.
Send extra sauce.: :_:D

Last edited by GodAndUlster on 2023-05-22 23:14:22

Like 0

GodAndUlster :_vip:

Posted at 2023-05-22 23:15:17(78Wks ago) Report Permalink URL

Reppoints: 4295
Posts: 16528
Uploads: 0

at first i was afraid, i was petrified,
by the ugly wanker that was lying by my side. I would've drunk a little less, i would've tried to keep my head, if i'd known for just one second, i'd be in your crusty bed! i tried to go, walk out the door, but i laughed so hard at your small knob, i fell flat on the floor. your butts a pimply mess, its just a broken out disgrace, but i'd rather look at that, than at your fucking ugly face! i want to go, i've got to leave, your talk of chicks and football really makes me want to heave. i only know i've got to stop my drinking spirts and the beer, because when i looked at you last night, you looked just like Richard Gere! i cant believe, that we both shagged, you should be wearing concrete shoes or should be simply bound and gagged. i'm fucking off right now, i'm jumping on the flippin train, and i'm not stopping till i'm home and washed your greebies down the drain. please let me go, i feel quite sick, we had the worst sex in the world and you're a bloody ugly prick. i should have shagged your gorgeous mate, at least he's got a lovely flat, but no i go and trust the booze and now i'm stuck with you, you twat. its time to go, run out the door. you look so ugly it should really be against the law. i'm gonna give up all the booze, I am gonna have no stupid fun, because waking up beside you makes me want to be a nun! i will survive. :_:D

Last edited by GodAndUlster on 2023-05-22 23:15:41

Like 0

GodAndUlster :_vip:

Posted at 2023-05-22 23:17:47(78Wks ago) Report Permalink URL

Reppoints: 4295
Posts: 16528
Uploads: 0

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, “Esther, I’d like to ride in that helicopter.” Esther always replied, “I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.”

One year, Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, “Esther, I’m 85 years old. If I don’t ride that helicopter today, I might never get another chance.” To this, Esther replied, “Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.”

The pilot overheard the couple and said, “Folks, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don’t say a word I won’t charge you a penny!
But if you say one word it’s fifty dollars.”

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, “By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn’t.
I’m impressed!”

Morris replied, “Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!” :_:D

Like 0

GodAndUlster :_vip:

Posted at 2023-05-22 23:19:18(78Wks ago) Report Permalink URL

Reppoints: 4295
Posts: 16528
Uploads: 0

Scientists now believe that if you masturbate frequently as a youth you have a greater chance of developing Tourettes in later life.
How the fuck did these shit brained cunts come up with these cock sucking, tit wanking ideas is beyond me.
Spunk bucket twat cat shagger Fuck sake!!:D:D :_:D

Like 0

GodAndUlster :_vip:

Posted at 2023-05-22 23:20:34(78Wks ago) Report Permalink URL

Reppoints: 4295
Posts: 16528
Uploads: 0

Police officer George and woman Police officer Mary and their police dog had been assigned to walk a beat.

They had been out only a short time then Mary said, “Dammmnnnn, I was running late this morning I forgot to put on my panties! It is so uncomfortable.
We have to go back to the station to get them.”

“We don’t have to go back,” George replied. “Just give the dog one sniff between your legs, and he’ll go fetch them for you.”Mary lifted her skirt for the dog.

After ten seconds of sniffing, the dog took off toward the station house.Twenty minutes later they heard sirens.

Suddenly the dog rounded the corner with a dozen police cars in pursuit – and the superintendent’s balls in his mouth :D :_:D

Like 0

GodAndUlster :_vip:

Posted at 2023-05-22 23:22:02(78Wks ago) Report Permalink URL

Reppoints: 4295
Posts: 16528
Uploads: 0

ne day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window.

The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Blue eyes, blonde, the works.“I’ve pulled you over for speeding, Ma’am. Could I see your drivers license?”

“What’s a license?” replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump. “It’s usually in your wallet,” replied the officer.

After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it.“Now may I see your registration?” asked the cop.

“Registration….. what’s that….?” asked the blonde. “It’s usually in your glove compartment,” said the cop impatiently.

After some more fumbling, she found the registration. “I’ll be back in a minute.” said the cop and walked back to his car.The officer called in to the dispatch to run a check on the woman’s license and registration.

After a few moments, the dispatcher came back, “Ummm… is this woman driving a red sports car?”

“Yes.” replied the officer

“Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?” asked the dispatcher.

“Uh… yes.” replied the cop.

“Here’s what you do,” said the dispatcher. “Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants.”

“What? I can’t do that. It’s… inappropriate.” exclaimed the cop.“

Trust me. Just do it.” said the dispatcher.

So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said.

The blonde looks down and sighs…

“Ohh no… not another breathalyzer :_:D

Like 0

GodAndUlster :_vip:

Posted at 2023-05-23 22:52:48(78Wks ago) Report Permalink URL

Reppoints: 4295
Posts: 16528
Uploads: 0

BREAKING NEWS: Rolf Harris has requested his ashes be placed into etch a sketch boards.. so all the kids can still fiddle with his knob :_:D

I filled out a job application for the local council today and under disabilities I put narcolepsy and tourettes syndrome.
So not only will I be able to sleep at work, but if someone tries to wake me up I can tell them to fuck off. :_:D

Like 1

Post liked by - Oss :_trusted_user:

Oss

Posted at 2023-06-18 18:08:33(74Wks ago) Report Permalink URL

Reppoints: 4504
Posts: 20863
Uploads: 0

Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

Like 1

Post liked by - GodAndUlster :_vip:

GodAndUlster :_vip:

Posted at 2023-06-21 21:06:42(74Wks ago) Report Permalink URL

Reppoints: 4295
Posts: 16528
Uploads: 0

Like 1

Post liked by - Oss :_trusted_user:

GodAndUlster :_vip:

Posted at 2023-06-24 21:48:48(73Wks ago) Report Permalink URL

Reppoints: 4295
Posts: 16528
Uploads: 0

A man was in a long queue at his local supermarket. As he got to the register he realised he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the checkout girl if she could have some brought up to the register:
She asked. "What size condoms?"
The customer replied that he didn’t know.
She asked him to drop his trousers, she reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him and called over the intercom. "One box of large condoms, Till 5."
The next man in line thought this was interesting and like most of us was up for a cheap thrill.
When he got up to the register, he told the cashier that he too had forgotten to get condoms and asked if she could have some brought to the register for him.
She asked him what size, and he stated that he didn’t know.
She asked him to drop his trousers, gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom microphone and said. "One box of medium sized condoms, Till 5."
A few customers back was this teenage boy. He thought what he had seen was way too cool. He had never had any type of sexual contact with a woman, so he thought this was his chance.
When he got to the checkout he told the girl he needed some condoms.
She asked him what size and he said he didn’t know.
She asked him to drop his trousers, she reached over the counter, gave him a quick squeeze then picked up the Intercom and said…....
"Mop and bucket, till 5."
:_:D