The Soul of Janor

Ange1:_moderator::_female:Posted at 2020-05-07 07:11:06(241Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
The Guardian Angel of TGx.
Reppoints: 7259
Posts: 3911
Uploads: 0

Beautiful work hunni you truly are so very talented :) The love you show in your work is wonderful. Love holds no boundaries it is the pillow of the earth :) thank you so much for sharing :) hugs :love:love

 
Post liked by - Tafv:_blocked:, eyez:_trusted_uploader::_sitefriend::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_kitty::_sun::_turtle:, ROBBREDD:_moderator::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun:, TimmyBoy91:_blocked:, SevenT:_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_sitelover::_junkie::_kitty::_sun::_turtle:, bigboy12:_admin::_male:, Janor:_trusted_user::_female:
TimmyBoy91:_blocked:Posted at 2021-11-10 16:39:55(162Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
Reppoints: 332
Posts: 365
Uploads: 0

Janor:_trusted_user::_female: So amazing! Love how the fact that you know how i can relate to it.

I saw it first all :_:P:_:P:_:P

 
Post liked by - Tafv:_blocked:, eyez:_trusted_uploader::_sitefriend::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_kitty::_sun::_turtle:, Ange1:_moderator::_female:, Janor:_trusted_user::_female:, JanorBot:_blocked:
Janor:_trusted_user::_female:Posted at 2021-11-14 15:44:54(162Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
Reppoints: 1495
Posts: 340
Uploads: 109

Image error

 
Post liked by - Tafv:_blocked:, ROBBREDD:_moderator::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun:, eyez:_trusted_uploader::_sitefriend::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_kitty::_sun::_turtle:, Mafketel:_super_admin::_male:
Mafketel:_super_admin::_male:Posted at 2021-11-14 16:00:22(162Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
Galaxy OG
Reppoints: 4640
Posts: 7434
Uploads: 0

Janor wrote:

Image error
True so true.
:_:-*

 
Post liked by - Tafv:_blocked:, ROBBREDD:_moderator::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun:, eyez:_trusted_uploader::_sitefriend::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_kitty::_sun::_turtle:, Janor:_trusted_user::_female:
Alien4:_blocked:Posted at 2021-11-14 18:39:13(162Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
Reppoints: 539
Posts: 1565
Uploads: 10

Janor wrote:

Image error
Making yourself out to be the hard done by person and cursing all who don't side with you is also a sign of weakness, crocodile tears Janor.

 
Post liked by - ROBBREDD:_moderator::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun:
Janor:_trusted_user::_female:Posted at 2021-11-14 18:40:39(162Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
Reppoints: 1495
Posts: 340
Uploads: 109

Alien... take your hate somewhere else... I don't need your hatred... thanks but no thanks.  Maybe one day I'll be as perfect as you.

Last edited by Janor on 2021-11-14 18:41:55


 
Post liked by - aviana:_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_female::_sitelover::_junkie::_kitty::_sun::_turtle:, Tafv:_blocked:, ROBBREDD:_moderator::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun:, Alien4:_blocked:
Alien4:_blocked:Posted at 2021-11-14 18:44:46(162Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
Reppoints: 539
Posts: 1565
Uploads: 10

Janor wrote:

Alien... take your hate somewhere else... I don't need your hatred... thanks but no thanks.  Maybe one day I'll be as perfect as you.
The only person that hates is you Jan, it's getting to the point I don't want to come to chat in fear of you throwing another wobbly, go get admin to delete my posts if you want, no doubt you'll cry havoc about it

 
Post liked by - aviana:_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_female::_sitelover::_junkie::_kitty::_sun::_turtle:, ROBBREDD:_moderator::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun:
Janor:_trusted_user::_female:Posted at 2021-11-14 18:48:10(162Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
Reppoints: 1495
Posts: 340
Uploads: 109

Please just leave me alone and I'll reciprocate.

 
Post liked by - aviana:_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_female::_sitelover::_junkie::_kitty::_sun::_turtle:, Tafv:_blocked:, ROBBREDD:_moderator::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun:
Janor:_trusted_user::_female:Posted at 2021-11-14 19:23:10(162Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
Reppoints: 1495
Posts: 340
Uploads: 109

I wasn't going to do this, but I feel like I have to expose my truth.  I'm in a very dark place and not doing very well.  I am not perfect, and I make mistakes all the time.  I am 64 years old and have been suffering with Clinical Depression since I was 14 years old.  My meds don't seem to be working anymore.

I am apologizing to bigboy12:_admin::_male: and anyone else that I may have offended by allowing myself to be triggered by a word that sent me spinning out of control.  That is not who I truly am. I haven't stopped crying since and I'm hurting deep in my soul and hanging on by a thin thread.

If you want to know what exactly that is, this is from the Mayo Clinic at:
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/expert-answers/clinical-depression/faq-20057770

What does the term "clinical depression" mean?
Answer From Daniel K. Hall-Flavin, M.D.
Depression ranges in seriousness from mild, temporary episodes of sadness to severe, persistent depression. Clinical depression is the more-severe form of depression, also known as major depression or major depressive disorder. It isn't the same as depression caused by a loss, such as the death of a loved one, or a medical condition, such as a thyroid disorder.

To diagnose clinical depression, many doctors use the symptom criteria for major depressive disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), published by the American Psychiatric Association.

Signs and symptoms of clinical depression may include:

Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness
Angry outbursts, irritability or frustration, even over small matters
Loss of interest or pleasure in most or all normal activities, such as sex, hobbies or sports
Sleep disturbances, including insomnia or sleeping too much
Tiredness and lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort
Reduced appetite and weight loss or increased cravings for food and weight gain
Anxiety, agitation or restlessness
Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or self-blame
Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things
Frequent or recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts or suicide
Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches
Symptoms are usually severe enough to cause noticeable problems in relationships with others or in day-to-day activities, such as work, school or social activities.

Clinical depression can affect people of any age, including children. However, clinical depression symptoms, even if severe, usually improve with psychological counseling, antidepressant medications or a combination of the two.

With

Daniel K. Hall-Flavin, M.D.

 
Post liked by - gizasphinx:_trusted_user::_male::_sitelover::_sun:, aviana:_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_female::_sitelover::_junkie::_kitty::_sun::_turtle:, Tafv:_blocked:, DarkAngie:_moderator:, ExGamer:_moderator:, GodAndUlster:_vip::_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun::_turtle:, ROBBREDD:_moderator::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun:, bigboy12:_admin::_male:
Alien4:_blocked:Posted at 2021-11-14 19:56:08(162Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
Reppoints: 539
Posts: 1565
Uploads: 10

Glad you got that off your chest Jan, and trust me when I say depression is a hellish thing to have to suffer, I have been with an alcoholic partner for 25 years, I work nightshift and I always wonder if if I'll be picking her up off the floor when I get home in the morning, not a nice sight when I have too trust me on that score, my point is I keep it at home, I don't bring it in here and demonize anyone who differs from train of thought, if I did that I'd alienate myself from the people in here I call my friends, because these friends are people I know I can ask for a shoulder to lean on. I get you, truly i do

 
Post liked by - aviana:_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_female::_sitelover::_junkie::_kitty::_sun::_turtle:, Tafv:_blocked:, DarkAngie:_moderator:, ExGamer:_moderator:, Janor:_trusted_user::_female:, sherb:_trusted_uploader::_sitefriend::_sitelover::_junkie::_kitty::_sun::_turtle:, GodAndUlster:_vip::_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun::_turtle:, ROBBREDD:_moderator::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun:, bigboy12:_admin::_male:
Janor:_trusted_user::_female:Posted at 2021-11-14 20:22:59(162Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
Reppoints: 1495
Posts: 340
Uploads: 109

Thank you.

Most of my life, I've believed that I don't deserve to breathe the same air as everyone else, and I'm just a waste of space.  I've spent most of my life alone and never had anyone but my pets to lean on.  Which is probably why I trust animals more than people.  I don't have the experience of anyone giving a damn until I met hubby.  It's still pretty much a foreign experience for me.  What usually keeps me going is helping others, that way the dark thoughts are put on pause. I still spend most of my time alone and never go outside.

I am hanging on and hubby is watching me like a hawk until I can talk to my doctor about changing my meds again on Monday.  My nurse came over yesterday and wouldn't leave until hubby got home.  I know deep down, I'll be ok as I have a new kitten that needs me.  She keeps bringing me these little critters that have been abandoned and unwanted.

Last edited by Janor on 2021-11-14 20:29:04


 
Post liked by - aviana:_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_female::_sitelover::_junkie::_kitty::_sun::_turtle:, Tafv:_blocked:, DarkAngie:_moderator:, ExGamer:_moderator:, sherb:_trusted_uploader::_sitefriend::_sitelover::_junkie::_kitty::_sun::_turtle:, GodAndUlster:_vip::_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun::_turtle:, ROBBREDD:_moderator::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun:, bigboy12:_admin::_male:
Janor:_trusted_user::_female:Posted at 2021-11-14 22:42:55(162Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
Reppoints: 1495
Posts: 340
Uploads: 109

Just doing as my therapist suggested.  Don't want pity, just trying to explain why I am the way I am.  I know I'm not normal and will never fit into what society expects.

Last edited by Janor on 2021-11-14 22:46:58


 
Post liked by - Tafv:_blocked:
Janor:_trusted_user::_female:Posted at 2021-11-18 05:09:53(161Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
Reppoints: 1495
Posts: 340
Uploads: 109

I am sorry for any and all problems I have caused.

 
Post liked by - aviana:_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_female::_sitelover::_junkie::_kitty::_sun::_turtle:, Tafv:_blocked:
Alien4:_blocked:Posted at 2021-11-18 05:35:21(161Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
Reppoints: 539
Posts: 1565
Uploads: 10

Janor wrote:

I am sorry for any and all problems I have caused.
Let's just put it all behind us and move on, absolutely no point on dwelling on the past when the futures so bright we gotta wear shades :_B)

Peace :_love

P.S still waiting on the ying tong song on the radio btw :_eyes

 
Post liked by - aviana:_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_female::_sitelover::_junkie::_kitty::_sun::_turtle:, ROBBREDD:_moderator::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun:, DarkAngie:_moderator:, NatD:_trusted_user::_sitefriend::_female::_sitelover::_junkie::_kitty::_sun::_turtle:
Tafv:_blocked:Posted at 2021-11-20 03:04:47(161Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
Reppoints: 80
Posts: 2
Uploads: 0

Now I understand better.

 
Post liked by - ROBBREDD:_moderator::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun:
Janor:_trusted_user::_female:Posted at 2022-02-10 02:30:11(149Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
Reppoints: 1495
Posts: 340
Uploads: 109

To the most amazing man I have ever met and have the honor to know and love.

(January 28th, 2022)

With Each

With each decade
       I feel amazed with our lives together
With each year
       I think of ways to bring you more joy
With each month
       you teach me more about myself
With each week
       I celebrate our weekends together
With each day
       we learn more about each other
With each hour
       I yearn to kiss you again
With each minute
       I want to hold you tight
With each second
       I wonder how much love a heart can hold
With each millisecond
       my love for you grows
With each nanosecond
       I want you even more
With each smile
       my heart soars
With each touch
       my body tingles
With each laugh
       more joy fills my heart
With each glance
       thoughts of you become endless
With each thought of you
       butterflies re-emerge
With each sleep
       I awake with gratitude as you’re by my side
With each “I Love You”
       fills my heart with ecstasy
With each of your birthdays
       I give thanks to your parents.

Happy Birthday my love
       may each one be better than the last.

Last edited by Janor on 2022-02-10 02:32:48


 
Post liked by - ROBBREDD:_moderator::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun:, sherb:_trusted_uploader::_sitefriend::_sitelover::_junkie::_kitty::_sun::_turtle:, Ange1:_moderator::_female:, MadWatchdog:_moderator:, Tafv:_blocked:, bigboy12:_admin::_male:
bigboy12:_admin::_male:Posted at 2022-02-10 02:43:55(149Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
The Axeman
Reppoints: 10283
Posts: 15770
Uploads: 0

Beautiful piece of work Janor:_trusted_user::_female: .Thanks for sharing .:_:)

 
Post liked by - ROBBREDD:_moderator::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun:, Ange1:_moderator::_female:, Janor:_trusted_user::_female:
Tafv:_blocked:Posted at 2022-02-10 03:52:20(149Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
Reppoints: 80
Posts: 2
Uploads: 0

Thank you my wonderful, amazing darling.  And you wonder why I love you so much :-)

 
Post liked by - ROBBREDD:_moderator::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun:, bigboy12:_admin::_male:, Ange1:_moderator::_female:, Janor:_trusted_user::_female:
Ange1:_moderator::_female:Posted at 2022-02-10 05:50:54(149Wks ago) Report Permalink URL 
The Guardian Angel of TGx.
Reppoints: 7259
Posts: 3911
Uploads: 0

wow this is so beautiful :_love:_love:_love

 
Post liked by - ROBBREDD:_moderator::_male::_sitelover::_junkie::_sun:, bigboy12:_admin::_male:, Superbikemike:_moderator::_turtle:, Janor:_trusted_user::_female: