GodAndUlster        Posted at 2021-11-08 14:38:42(158Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2021-11-08 14:39:17(158Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2021-11-10 23:14:57(157Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I went to the library and asked "have you got any books on shelves?". The librarian replied "are you taking the piss?"  | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2021-11-10 23:15:09(157Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| My local pub is pretty rough! I went to the quiz night and the first question asked was, "What the fuck are you looking at?" | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2021-11-10 23:15:51(157Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I got a new job with the Samaritans last week. I tried to phone in sick this morning but the fuckers talked me out of | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2021-11-10 23:19:18(157Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| My wife's left me because I keep stealing her wheelchair. It's ok though I know she'll eventually come crawling back to me. | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2021-11-10 23:19:19(157Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| My wife's left me because I keep stealing her wheelchair. It's ok though I know she'll eventually come crawling back to me. | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2021-11-10 23:20:20(157Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| A sweet old lady on a bus offers the driver some peanuts. He eats a few and asks her why she isn’t having any herself. "Oh they’re too hard on my poor teeth, I couldn’t.” "Why did you buy them all then?" wonders the driver. “You see, I just love the chocolate they’re covered in!" | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2021-11-10 23:20:53(157Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| After almost a year in a coma my wife is having to learn the basics again. Like how to walk.... how to talk... how to feed herself, and most importantly.... how not to argue with me at the top of the stairs again. | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2021-11-10 23:21:04(157Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Have you ever noticed, how a lot of F1 drivers share their names with Scottish places? Stirling Moss, Eddie Irvine, Lewis Hamilton, Ayr Town Centre.. | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2021-11-10 23:21:30(157Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| A recent survey says that the first car you drive is as memorable as your first kiss... This is true. I still remember mine, an old banger that stank of piss. Can't think what the car was though! | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2021-11-10 23:24:24(157Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2021-11-10 23:24:34(157Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2021-11-11 21:24:59(157Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Elizabeth Fritzl's diary: MON: Day Off TUE: Stayed in, Dad fucked me. WED: Stayed in, Got fucked by Dad. THUR: Stayed in, Dad fucked me doggy style. FRI: Stayed in, Dad spunked on my face. SAT: Stayed in, Dad pounded my arse. SUN: Went to watch Derby county, Wish I'd fucking stayed in | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2021-11-11 21:26:04(157Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I saw a fat woman at the bus stop today... I asked her, “When’s it due?” She replied, “I’m not fucking pregnant you rude prick!” I said, “I meant the bus you fat bitch!” | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2021-11-11 21:26:18(157Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| The wife turned to me last night and said, "Turn the lamp off and you can stick it up my arse." Maybe I should've let the bulb cool down first though. | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2021-11-12 23:07:33(157Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I used to know how to make those little fizzy sweets but then I forgot. So I went on a Refresher course! | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2021-11-12 23:08:00(157Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Yesterday evening I had to change a lightbulb, a bit later on I crossed the road. Then I walked into a bar.. | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2021-11-12 23:11:52(157Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2021-11-12 23:12:04(157Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2021-11-12 23:13:00(157Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2021-11-14 09:32:31(157Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| My Gert just tripped over the laundry basket and all the clothes went everywhere I watched it all unfold!! | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2021-11-14 09:32:49(157Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I made my wife's dreams come true by getting married in a castle. But you sure wouldn't have known it from the look on her face as we were bouncing around. | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2021-11-15 23:52:30(157Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| A bloke on a tractor has just driven past me shouting “The end of the world is nigh!" I think it was Farmer Geddon. | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2021-11-15 23:53:07(157Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I told my mum I'd opened a theatre. She said, 'Are you having me on?' I said, 'I'll give you an audition but I'm not promising anything.' | |
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