TGx:View Topic: You Can Share Your Jokes Here,Come On In V3

GodAndUlster :_vip:

Posted at 2022-09-22 20:29:07(111Wks ago) Report Permalink URL

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The inventor of hard boiled eggs wrapped in sausage meat has just died.
RIP Scott Chegg. :_:D

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GodAndUlster :_vip:

Posted at 2022-09-22 20:29:23(111Wks ago) Report Permalink URL

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Sat next to a fruit machine addict at a gamblers anonymous meeting last night, It was awful!..
He kept nudging me! :_:D

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GodAndUlster :_vip:

Posted at 2022-09-22 20:30:44(111Wks ago) Report Permalink URL

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My wife said that if I don't get off her computer so she can use it, she'll slam my head on the keyboard, but I think she's jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny8 :_:D

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GodAndUlster :_vip:

Posted at 2022-09-22 20:30:59(111Wks ago) Report Permalink URL

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My mate fucking hates his surname, Potato.
Although not as much as his wife, Jackie does. :_:D

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GodAndUlster :_vip:

Posted at 2022-09-22 20:32:45(111Wks ago) Report Permalink URL

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I spent last night defrosting the fridge.
Or foreplay as she likes to call it. :_:D

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GodAndUlster :_vip:

Posted at 2022-09-22 20:32:55(111Wks ago) Report Permalink URL

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ucking hell, I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today
That's seven years in a row now :_:D

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GodAndUlster :_vip:

Posted at 2022-09-22 20:35:07(111Wks ago) Report Permalink URL

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A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting drunk. A man came in and asked the farmer, “Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?”
The farmer shook his head and replied, “Some things you just can’t explain.”
“So what happened that’s so horrible?” the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer.
“Well,” the farmer said, “Today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket.”
“Okay,” said the man, “but that’s not so bad.”
“Some things you just can’t explain,” the farmer replied.
“So what happened then?” the man asked.
The farmer said, “I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.”
“And then?” the man asked.
“Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.”
The man laughed and said, “Again?”
The farmer replied, “Some things you just can’t explain.”
“So, what did you do then?” the man asked.
“I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right.”
“And then?”
“Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.”
“Hmmm,” the man said and nodded his head.
“Some things you just can’t explain,” the farmer said.
“So, what did you do?” the man asked.
“Well,” the farmer said, “I didn’t have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in.. Some things you just can’t explain.”
:_:D

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GodAndUlster :_vip:

Posted at 2022-09-22 20:35:26(111Wks ago) Report Permalink URL

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A man walks into a bar and asks the barman, "Can I have a pint please, but not Stella. I had ten pints of it last night and ended up fucking skint.
The barman says, "But it's only £3 a pint."
The man replies, "I know. Skint is my dog!" :_:D

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GodAndUlster :_vip:

Posted at 2022-09-22 20:38:48(111Wks ago) Report Permalink URL

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After shagging a fat bird whilst I was drunk, the next morning I said to her, "Here, if you want to see me again, call this number."
"Awww, men don't usually give me their numbers," she responded.
I said, "It's not mine. It's Weight Watchers!" :_:D

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GodAndUlster :_vip:

Posted at 2022-09-22 20:38:59(111Wks ago) Report Permalink URL

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Me: doctor I’ve hurt my penis in a surfing accident
Dr: Did you fall off your board
Me: No I slammed my laptop shut when the wife walked in :_:D

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GodAndUlster :_vip:

Posted at 2022-09-22 20:40:30(111Wks ago) Report Permalink URL

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I renewed my car insurance over the phone today and as I was about to hang up the woman on the other end asked if I had a pet.
I said, "Yes, I've got a dog."
She said, "Would you like to insure him too?"
I said, "Fuck off, he can't fucking drive!" :_:D

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GodAndUlster :_vip:

Posted at 2022-09-22 20:40:55(111Wks ago) Report Permalink URL

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As a woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter with a vibrator.
Shocked, she asked: 'what in the world are you doing?'
The daughter replied: 'mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.'
The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator.
To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said: 'dad I'm thirty-five, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.'
A couple days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the living room. She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV.
The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy. The wife asked: 'What the #@!* are you doing?'
The husband replied: 'I'm watching football with my son-in-law.'
:_:D