GodAndUlster        Posted at 2022-05-11 21:43:08(122Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I'm hosting a charity concert for people who struggle to reach an orgasm... If you can't come let me know!  | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-11 21:44:26(122Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I bought a can of fly spray from the supermarket today........ I sprayed it all over myself...... "I still cant fucking fly".....!! | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-11 21:45:58(122Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-11 21:46:30(122Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-11 21:47:39(122Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-12 21:28:13(121Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| My wife said, "Are you ashamed to walk with me"...? I said, "Why are you shouting"...? She said, "Because you're on the other fucking side of the road".....!!! | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-12 21:29:30(121Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Saw a golf buggy parked in a disabled bay this morning and thought to myself; I wonder what his handicap is? | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-12 21:30:37(121Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Me and my girlfriend stopped at the motorway services recently for some breakfast. We got two fry ups, two coffees and two jam doughnuts. I got to the cashier and I said, "I'm sorry, love, but I only have a £50 note." "That's okay," she said, "just put the doughnuts back." | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-12 21:31:11(121Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Got a brown envelope through the door this morning that said ‘Do not bend!’ I thought "How am I going to pick that up then?" | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-12 21:34:24(121Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-13 22:40:38(121Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| My girlfriend and I like to dress up as Adrian Balboa and Apollo Creed, I think we're going through a Rocky patch. | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-13 22:41:31(121Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Imagine if all major retailers started making their own condoms but kept the same tag-line: 🎈 Sainsbury Condoms - Making life taste better Nike Condoms - Just do it Peugeot Condoms - The ride of your life Lindt Excellence condoms - 100% pure passion. KFC Condoms - Finger licking good Minstrels Condoms - Melt in your mouth, not in your hands Safeway Condoms - Lightening the load Abbey National Condoms - Because life is complicated enough Coca Cola Condoms - The real thing Ever Ready Condoms - Keep going and going Pringles Condoms - Once you pop, you can't stop Burger King Condoms - Home of the whopper Goodyear Condoms - For a longer ride go wide Muller Light condoms - So much pleasure, but where's the pain? Royal Mail Condoms - I saw this and thought of you Andrex Condoms - Soft, strong and very very long Renault Condoms - Size really does matter! Ronseal Condoms - Does exactly what it says on the tin Domestos Condoms - Gets right under the rim!!! Heineken Condoms - reaches parts that other condoms just cannot reach Carlsberg Condoms - Probably the best condom in the world AA Condoms - The 4th emergency service Pepperami Condoms - It’s a bit of a animal Polo Condoms - The condom with the hole McDonalds Condoms - I’m lovin' it Nokia condoms - connecting people. Rice Krispies Condoms- Snap, Crackle and Pop BMW Condoms - the ultimate driving machine Yorkie Condoms - they’re not for girls Anadin Condoms - nothing works faster ! ....................................- Headache! What Headache? . ................................. - When only fast will do Frosties Condoms - They're Grrrreat! Kellogs Cornflakes condoms - Start every day with a bang Iceland condoms - All good mums go to Iceland Enjoy thinking about these this weekend when you're "busy"! | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-13 22:44:53(121Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Every night my wife cooks me dinner and it is always Italian... No doubt it will be the same tonight. I certainly would not put it pasta...... | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-13 22:45:05(121Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| My wife woke up with a huge smile on her face this morning. I love felt tips. | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-13 22:45:54(121Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Why was the washing machine laughing? It was taking the piss out of some pants! | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-13 22:46:45(121Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| fter giving my son two karate lessons, he said he didn’t want any more. Still, at least I got my car waxed and my fence painted. | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-13 22:46:59(121Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| The local drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovahs Witness so he wouldn't arouse suspicion..... He finally got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in...... | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-13 22:47:30(121Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I went into a cake shop today and asked, “Is that a custard or a meringue?” She said “You’re not wrong, it’s a custard.” | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-13 22:48:06(121Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I'm one of those people that likes to read while I'm having a shit... This is also the reason why I'm banned from Waterstones. | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-13 22:49:34(121Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-13 22:49:51(121Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-13 22:50:33(121Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-14 11:27:16(121Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I Silently Farted In Bed Last Night And Slowly Lifted Up The Quilt . After A Few Seconds My wife Shouted "Fucking Hell Hugh That Stinks! " It Must Of Been Pretty Awful , she Was Downstairs At The Time . | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-14 11:27:38(121Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| An 89year old woman was jailed in Liverpool yesterday for shop lifting. The judge asked the woman what she had stolen...? She replied, "A tin of peaches How many peaches were in the tin he asked, six she replied I will give you six days in jail then the judge pronounced, Before he could bang his hammer, her husband shouted, She also stole three tins of peas..... | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-14 11:28:51(121Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I got a phone call from the police, they said "your house has been broken in to, they drank all your beer and shagged your wife!" I said "I can't believe they shagged her after only 4 cans?" | |
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