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GodAndUlster        Posted at 2022-04-30 21:36:28(120Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-30 21:36:41(120Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-30 21:37:25(120Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-01 21:05:48(120Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| REATING A PASSWORD cabbage Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters. boiledcabbage Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. 1 boiled cabbage Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces. 50fuckingboiledcabbages Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character. 50FUCKINGboiledcabbages Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively. 50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArse.IfYouDon’tGiveMeAccessImmediately Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation. NowIAmGettingReallyPissedOff50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArseIfYouDontGiveMeAccessImmediately Sorry, that password is already in use !!!  | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-01 21:06:02(120Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-01 21:06:48(120Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-03 22:55:38(120Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I took me goldfish to the vet because it's got epilepsy. The vet says "it looks calm enough to me" I say"I haven't taken it out the fucking bowl yet!" | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-03 22:55:52(120Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I saw this copper and said " if I called you a cunt would you arrest me?" The copper said " I certainly would arrest you" So I said "what if I was just thinking you were a cunt" Copper said " there's not much I could do about that " So I said " good because I think you're a cunt" | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-03 22:58:23(120Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Mujibar was trying to get a job in India. The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it, you cannot qualify for this job.' Mujibar said, 'I am ready.' The manager said, 'Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink, and Green .' Mujibar said, 'The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say, Yellow, this is Mujibar.' Mujibar now works at a call centre. No doubt you have spoken to him. I know I have. | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-03 22:58:39(120Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I said to my mate said I'm having problems in the bedroom, being a DOCTOR he prescribed me Viagra..... How the fuck's that going to help me assemble my new wardrobe.....? [justify][/justify] | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-03 23:01:42(120Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I used to go out with a girl who punched me in the face when she orgasmed. I didn't mind too much until I found out she was faking them... | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-03 23:02:00(120Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question - and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital. As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out.. The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to shove two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing. Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said, 'That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows up?' The father replied, 'From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-04 21:32:40(119Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I went back to the card shop yesterday and said, "Do you sell bereavement cards?" "Yes we do." replied the assistant. "Good," I said, "could I exchange this 'Get Well Soon' card for one?" | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-04 21:32:53(119Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| The surgeon asked me if I have a dog. I said "Yes Why"......? He said, "If I can't save your leg do you want me to save the bone for him".....? | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-04 21:34:27(119Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I gave my wife a big bunch of Flowers today. She said "I suppose, I will have to open my legs for them".. I said "Why, haven't you got a Vase big enough?" | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-04 21:34:41(119Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| My wife is going to a fancy dress party as Bob Marley. She wants me to do her hair....I'm dreading it | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-04 21:37:40(119Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-04 21:38:12(119Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-06 20:49:34(119Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Just seen a man slumped over a lawn mower crying his eyes out. He said he’ll be fine, he’s just going through a rough patch. | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-06 20:50:32(119Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I did my first Gig as a stand up comedian at an old people's home last night..... They didn't get any of my fucking jokes, but they still pissed themselves anyway......!!!  | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-06 20:51:18(119Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I got home to find a note on the fridge off my wife, "It's not working i cant take it anymore I'm going to my Parents house"..... I opened the door the light came on, an the beer was cold..... "What the fuck is she on about"....? | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-06 20:52:44(119Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| What do we want? Race car noises!!! When do we want them? Neeeooowwwww | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-06 20:53:03(119Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Despite what people think I am not an alcoholic - alcoholics go to meetings. I am drunk, and I go to parties. | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-06 20:55:35(119Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| My girlfried agreed to have some kinky fun & games at my house last night. She lay handcuffed to the bed wearing a blindfold & I said “Right, now I’m going to shag you.” “You’ve been shagging me for the last 5 minutes.” she replied. “No I haven’t” I said “that was my Dad.” | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-05-06 20:55:59(119Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Have you ever noticed that it's only perfect' people who are murdered or killed in horrific accidents....? "He was the perfect son" or "She was the perfect daughter"........ "Such a tragic accident they were the perfect family"....... "They died together, the perfect couple till the end"........ Makes me glad I'm a CUNT... | |
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