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GodAndUlster        Posted at 2022-04-16 23:34:44(122Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-17 20:35:14(122Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I said to my mate, "I heard you were arrested for annoying your neighbours by playing Engelbert Humperdink records day and night. What happened?" He replied, "Police released me, let me go!"  | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-17 20:35:29(122Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I went on a rollercoaster and the woman next to me wouldn't stop screaming... Seriously, it was like she'd never seen a penis before! | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-17 20:36:05(122Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| This bloke with a great big bushy beard came walking up to me today and said, "Hey up mate, don't you remember me? We were in the same class at primary school?" I replied, "No sorry, nobody in my class had a beard!" | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-17 20:40:41(122Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| So a female employee got an expensive pen as a birthday gift from her boss. She sent him a 'Thank you note' by email: Boss’s wife read the email and filed for divorce. The email said: Your penis wonderful and I enjoyed using it last night. It has extra ordinary smooth flow and a firm stroke. I loved its perfect size and grip. Felt like I was in heaven when using it.Thanks a lot.! Moral: A "space" is an essential part of English grammar! | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-17 20:41:24(122Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-19 00:10:59(122Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| My missus winked at me and said, "I'd love a big stiff cock for my birthday." Well she can fuck off if she thinks I'm paying for a sex change for her! | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-19 00:11:17(122Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| As a kid I used to love riding my bike and trying to leave the longest skid marks on my parent's driveway It used to piss my Dad off a treat....... He'd say, "Pull your pants up, you fucking weirdo"........!!! | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-19 00:14:31(122Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| for NHS workers at each match next season A spokesman for NHS England has responded by saying “ Haven’t these people suffered enough already “ | |
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| RotblutPosted at 2022-04-19 12:07:51(122Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes have rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his mobile phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a soothing voice, says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?” | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-19 23:29:45(122Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Knock knock "Who's there?" "Grandad!" "SHIT! Stop the funeral!" | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-19 23:30:02(122Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| "Doctor I think I'm a moth." "It's not a doctor you need, it's a psychiatrist." "I was on the way there and I saw your light on!" | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-19 23:31:21(122Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| My wife crashed the car this morning. When the police came she said the guy involved was on his mobile and eating at the time...... The police advised her the guy was entitled to do what he wanted in his own conservatory....... | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-19 23:31:39(122Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I said to my wife pass me the newspaper please love, she said don't be silly you can use my Ipad....... That spider didn't know what fucking hit it....... | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-19 23:33:13(122Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-28 23:47:52(120Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-28 23:48:09(120Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-28 23:49:22(120Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-28 23:49:36(120Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-29 09:32:23(120Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| BBQ RULES: We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity . When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion: (1) The woman buys the food. (2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert. (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand. (4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman. Here comes the important part: (5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL. (6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery. (7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat Important again: THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN. 🙂 (9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table. (10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes And most important of all: (11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts. (12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ' her night off ', and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women. | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-29 09:48:37(120Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-29 09:48:51(120Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-29 21:59:41(120Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Can’t believe what I saw in McDonald’s today. An old man placed an order for one hamburger , French fries and a drink. He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half , placing one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries , dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink , his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger , the people around them were looking over and whispering. Obviously they were thinking , 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.' As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said , they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything.. People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again , the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said 'No , thank you , we are used to sharing everything.' Finally , as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin , the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?' She answered 'THE TEETH'. | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-30 21:35:16(120Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-30 21:35:29(120Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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