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GodAndUlster        Posted at 2022-04-04 13:02:49(119Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Just dreamt I was swimming in an ocean of fizzy orange, Turns out It was just a FANTA SEA  | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-04 13:03:04(119Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I've just bought myself a new blindfold, Can't see myself wearing it though!! | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-04 13:04:02(119Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| My son and his wife have just moved into their first home... I've bought them a radiator as a house warming present! | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-04 13:07:42(119Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-04 13:08:28(119Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-04 23:03:23(118Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| This Big Game Hunter walked into the Bar and bragged to everyone about his Hunting Skills. The man was undoubtedly a Good Shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said, "That they could Blindfold him and he would recognize any Animal's Skin from its Feel, and if he could Locate the Bullet Hole he would even tell them what Caliber the Bullet was, that Killed the Animal..??? The Hunter said that he was willing to prove it. If they would put up the Drinks, and so the Bet was on. They Blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first Animal Skin. After feeling it for a few moments, he announced "BEAR".. Then he felt the Bullet Hole and declared, "Shot with a .308 Rifle." And he was right. They brought him another Skin, one that someone had in their Car Trunk. He took a bit longer this time and then said, "ELK, shot with a 7mm Mag Rifle." Again he was right. Through the night, he proved his skills again and again, every time against a Round of Drinks. Finally he staggered home, drunk out of his mind,and went to sleep. The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had One Hell of a Shiner. He said to his Wife, "I know I was Drunk last night, but Not Drunk enough to get in a fight and not remember it. Where did I get this Black-Eye"..??? His Wife angrily replied, "I gave it to you. You got into Bed and put your hand down my Panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and loudly announced, “SKUNK, killed with a fucking big AXE”.. 😂 | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-05 20:25:53(118Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| woman goes to the greengrocers and asks for a cucumber.whole or sliced says the grocer.woman replies-i've got a fanny not a slot machine | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-05 20:28:47(118Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| A friend asked me, "What's your pet hate?" I replied, "He doesn't like going to the vets!" | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-05 20:29:38(118Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| We cleared out my gran's flat this morning, sorted out the good stuff and put it on eBay, and then went to the estate agents to put her flat on the market..... She'll be well pissed off when she gets back from bingo...... [justify][/justify] | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-05 20:30:34(118Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I said to my wife this morning, "Can you believe our milkman? He reckons he's shagged every woman on our street except one"......!!! She said, "I bet it's that frosty faced cow at number 42". | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-05 20:31:28(118Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I called the council earlier and asked if it would be ok to have a skip outside my house. The woman on the phone said.... You can do cartwheels down the street for all I fucking care...... | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-05 21:17:49(118Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-05 21:18:25(118Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-05 21:18:35(118Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-06 22:18:05(118Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| More sanctions for Roman Abramovich as the government has frozen Chelsea's defence... | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-06 22:21:42(118Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| A bloke walks into a pub and sees three men and a dog playing poker...... He says to the landlord "Fuck me, that must be one clever dog"..... "Not really' said the landlord, "Every time he gets a good hand his fucking tail starts wagging".... | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-06 22:22:40(118Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I sat next to an insurance salesmen at the Robbie Williams gig last night. And through it all, he offered me protection... | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-06 22:22:55(118Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| My wife left me today because of my obsession with Africa. Kenya believe that? Ghana be a messy divorce, not sure where shes going Togo, but a guy named Chad is going to look after her so she Congo to his house as he has Benin a similar situation! | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-06 23:37:21(118Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-06 23:40:16(118Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-06 23:41:20(118Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-07 22:15:12(118Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I went to waterstones and asked for a book on turtles, The assistant said " hardback? " So I says " yeah, and little heads"!! | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-07 22:15:14(118Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I went to waterstones and asked for a book on turtles, The assistant said " hardback? " So I says " yeah, and little heads"!! | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-07 22:15:39(118Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| I got a lift to the eleventh floor, and as I got out, the operator said, "Have a good day son." "Don't call me son," I said. "You're not my dad!" He scratched his head. "No, but I brought you up, didn't I?" [justify][/justify] | |
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| GodAndUlsterPosted at 2022-04-07 22:18:55(118Wks ago) Report Permalink URL | ||
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| Went in the pub tonight and said " how much for a lager?" Barman said "£2 a pint or £7 a picher" So I says " gimme a pint, fuck the photo " | |
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